How Do Family Conflicts Get Resolved?
How Do Family Conflicts Get Resolved? Families in conflict over an elder’s assets need a space to consider how the conflict could be resolved.
What is Presumptive Mediation?
New York recently began a program of presumptive mediation in most if not all of the courts in the state. But what is presumptive mediation and how does it work? Presumptive mediation is now the dispute resolution method of choice in the courts that use this tool.
Move Me
When families to come together out of concern for their elder's well-being, issues of money are often at the root of the family's concerns. Has Mom been moving money around in new ways that don't seem to make sense? Does she have a new friend who she seems to be buying lots of gifts for or paying their way?
Information Gathering as a Problem-Solving Tool
Whenever a family comes together to mediate a conflict the willingness to show up to mediate needs to be acknowledged as a brave first step. Each family member who shows a willingness to take a risk and have a conversation has already taken a step towards resolution even before the conversation begins.
Launching the Mediation
Mediators come to the table looking for a shift in perspective by the parties. They’re not going to say that up front, maybe not at all. But that is the secret sauce of mediation…giving the parties enough space and time to be heard, and to listen, to create an opening for new perspectives and new solutions to take hold.
Day 1
If you’ve never been to a mediation you’re probably wondering what happens at the first session with the mediator. And if the dispute that brings you to mediation is filled with a lot of emotion for some or all of the people involved, you may be feeling the same level of anxiety about a first session as some people feel about going to the dentist for a root canal. So let me help put everyone at ease by explaining what you might expect at the very first session.
The Role of the Mediator
A mediator’s task is to facilitate negotiations of the participants not to decide the matter for them. The mediator may use different mediation techniques in conducting the mediation. If the mediator may believes that one of the parties to the mediation is not being realistic about the cost/benefit or the risk/reward of litigating a dispute she may act as “an agent of reality” and test that party’s assumptions about the conflict.
More About Mediator Agreements
Last week I explained what the “scope of the mediation,” “good faith” and “impartiality” means in a mediator’s agreement.
Today we’ll look at one very important term that you can expect to see in the mediator’s agreement.
What's In a Mediator's Agreement
When you’re ready to hire a mediator the mediator will likely present everyone who is coming to the mediation with an agreement to sign before the mediation begins. For non-lawyers this written contract might appear to have a lot of legal terms that might make it seem like you need a lawyer to advise you before you sign on so I thought I’d point out the key terms you’re likely to see in the mediator’s agreement to make this next step a little less imposing.
More About How Mediation Works
After a family member contacts the mediator the mediator will reach out to the other family members who are concerned about the care and well-being of an elder in their lives and might want to be involved in the conflict resolution process.
How Does Mediation Work?
For those who are still new to the process mediation is a confidential, voluntary conflict resolution process that is often more economical and more efficient than a lawsuit and often the only appropriate method for resolving disputes that shouldn’t be in court for a variety of reasons.
Screening for Elder Abuse
No one wants to acknowledge that some people take advantage of the elderly but mediators who meet with families in conflict need to be on the lookout for anyone who might be exerting undue influence over an elder’s decisions and not ignore a huge elephant in the room.
Help! I can't decide!
Conflict Coaching Can Help!
A client recently described a troubling situation with her elderly mother. Mom is living alone with the help of an aide but is not doing well and the client needs to consider next steps.
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F.A.Q.'s Part II
F.A.Q. #2: How can mediation help when family members don't approve of the decisions an elder is making?