F.A.Q. about Elder Mediation, Part 1
If you're like me, sometimes you just don't know where to begin when trying to solve a thorny problem. A dear friend used to say, "Just start in the middle, Marcy."
Your RH: You Really Should Have Considered Mediation for Elders
What could be worse than a loved one, and a 6th degree heir to the throne, cutting you off and leaving the country for good when you and the Duke are in your 90's? I'm sure I could have helped. Dear Queen; did you ever hear of mediation? It's a confidential process (I know how important that is to you) facilitated by a trained neutral facilitator (as in no biases towards anyone) and is economical (I'm pretty sure that's an issue for you too) and efficient.
Decisions, decisions, decisions
Some decisions that elders have to make are appropriate for mediation. Issues surrounding care, continued autonomy or legal decisions involving assets are entirely appropriate for mediation.
Mediating End-of-Life Discussions
A recent virtual lecture by Khalid Rehman, MD given to the Association for Conflict Resolution of Greater New York, addressed the sensitive topic of mediating end-of-life discussions.
How to Interview a Mediator
People often ask what to look for in a mediator so I thought I'd share the suggested questions that the New York Court website lists as a good place to start:
Still Driving After all these Years?
I frequently run workshops to introduce elders and their families to problem-solving through mediation. One of the practice modules we use in the workshop involves a discussion about helping an elder decide whether or when to give up their car keys.
"Ask for More."
Negotiation is always about steering a relationship, and the first relationship we need to steer is the one we have with ourselves.
Mediation Turns on 3 Basic Principles
Sounds simple, right? Actually how these three principles are applied by a mediator can affect the outcome of a mediation. Does self-determination mean that a party has the right to accept a terrible settlement without any intervention by the mediator?
What is Elder Mediation? and why is it special?
As we age we need to make decisions about so many things we used to take for granted.
Whether we've noticed a change in our comfort level driving long distances or in unfamiliar places, changes in our physical strength and endurance,
Overconfidence can Sabotage a Good Settlement Offer.
In a study of more than 2000 actual cases in California in 2008 even the most experienced litigators frequently rejected settlement offers that turned out to have been better than the results they ultimately obtained at trial!
What is Your Conflict Style?
Are you highly assertive and a take charge type of person when it comes to dealing with conflicts? Or do you tend to avoid conflicts at all costs? Do you defer to other’s needs and try to accommodate other’s interests at the price of advocating for your own needs?
“Fight or Flight”
The resolution of a conflict requires people to be thinking clearly about what their options are. When a conflict kicks off the “fight or flight” response, people tend to experience what is known as “emotional flooding,”…
The Emotional Stages of a Conflict
I think we’ve all heard about the various stages of grief, beginning with denial, and moving through anger, ultimately arriving at acceptance.
Emotions and Conflict
Emotions play a huge part in conflicts.
That should seem obvious but when we’re in the midst of a conflict it may be hard to see and harder to understand the impact of our emotions.
The Longevity Economy
Have you heard of the longevity economy? If you’re over 50 you’re one of more than 1.6 billion people worldwide who are in this demographic.
A Million Ways that Change Triggers Conflict
Current or anticipated changes in the life of a family elder can trigger all sorts of conflicts in the family.
Changes such as the death of a spouse, the elder’s declining health and the health and safety concerns that may raise, plus issues around independence, self-determination, and safety of the elder and others are classic triggering events.
Conflict Resolution for Elders at the New York City Bar Association
Presented a basic intro to mediation for elders to the Committee on Legal Problems of the Aging. Definitions, techniques, important issues relevant to problem-solving for elders.
Conflict Resolution and Capacity
An elder's capacity to contribute to the process is often an issue of great concern when trying to resolve any dispute affecting or involving the elder. While "capacity" has a very specific legal meaning when it comes to entering into an enforceable agreement or testifying in court, capacity to participate in a conversation holds to a much more practical standard.