Mediators Have Tools

Mediators have tools. And like a carpenter’s toolbox, mediators try to be sure to use the right tool at the right time and under the right circumstances. When a family is just starting to mediate a complicated family issue for the first time, a mediator tries to build trust and a sense of safety for everyone regardless of how far apart family members may be on everything from describing the problem to agreeing on who has the right to speak and when. Listening in a non-judgmental way becomes really important under these circumstances. Validating the importance of each family member’s voice becomes key to trust-building around the table. You’ll hear a mediator summarize what she is hearing around the table using neutral language, reframing charged statements in more objective language, capturing subtle statements of each family member’s goals and asking open-ended questions to clarify what each family member is hoping to achieve before any negotiations even begin.